I’m So Blue

Usually feeling a little blue is bad thing. It can mean that you are sad and feeling despair. It could also mean that you are feeling rather randy and exhibitionistic. However, this is one of those times when I don’t mean either. I just got to go see something that should have been on my bucket list but wasn’t until now. I came home and added it and then crossed it off as completed. I saw Blue Man Group LIVE!!!!! They were amazing!
If you are a fan you know what happened to me. If you aren’t, what’s wrong with you?! I got to see the Drumbone live, the Twinkie Skit, and all kinds of rock star helpful hints. There is something too cool about three guys dressed in black and all blue faced. Now if I had seen blue bottoms I’d be at the baboon exhibit at the zoo. But those guys didn’t have blue bottoms as far as I know. Not that I looked!
There is a special kind of electricity that is in the air when you see them. They are scary and silly; frightening and frightened; inquisitive and instructive. It is like a science fair on acid with aliens trying to run it. And then there is the music!! PVC pipes have all kinds of uses but watching the blue men playing them like they are an orchestra instrument is truly a sight to behold and sound to be heard. You can even feel the music in both an emotional and physical sense. When the huge bass drum is beaten the floor shakes.
I wish I could explain, describe, tell, and paint a picture with words to make you feel what I feel and to have seen what I have seen. All I can do is tell you this: GO SEE THEM! You won’t regret it!

Seeing Things That Aren’t There

You may find this hard to believe based on some of the things I have written but I’ve never done illegal or not prescribed drugs. Really! I am twisted enough on oxygen without adding anything else to it. I vaguely remember one time when I was prescribed Xanax . That was some seriously good stuff. Alprazolam would have made a great band name. They would have been stoned out of their minds and played really mellow music while watching the walls melt. There was one time when I took some Tylenol 3 and found that codeine has an unwanted effect on me. It makes me mean. I’m not talking about having an off day and being rude. I’m talking about cold blooded, dog kicking, nun beating, failing to return the video kind of meanness that would make Attila say, “Chill out, dude.” After those experiences I think that this is best that I stayed clean and mostly sober.

Trying to imagine what I’d be like now had I burned out brain cells is a scary thing. There is a t-shirt that says, “I know the voices aren’t real but they have some pretty good ideas!” There are no voices in my head but ideas do just pop in my head from seemingly nowhere.  The kind of humor that makes me laugh is a bit off too. I like an eclectic combination of humor from Monty Python to Douglas Adams to Dave Barry to Jeff Foxworthy to Jeff Dunham to Steven Wright with a dash of the cerebral George Carlin. I try to combine those humorists to have a style all my own. If that is successful then it will be something that will blow your mind or at least cause an aneurism. That may explain what happened to me now that I think about it.

With all my delusions of mediocrity it should surprise no one that I see things differently than most people. The ability to look at something through a prism and then turn your head sideways to look at again and then stand on your head to look at it while whistling the disco version of Beethoven’s 5th is truly a fun way to think. Ok. Sometimes I whistle “Pour Some Sugar On Me” by Def Leppard but you get the idea. That’s how my mind works. I take something normal and put it through my filters to see things that aren’t there. How does your mind work?

A Look Inside

When was the last time you took a good long look at yourself? We all have those defining moments in our lives when we feel the need to reflect and reconsider. My life has had several of those defining moments. Most of them seem to have been in the past couple of years. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not so shallow as to say I never looked back until recently. When I graduated from high school it was a time to consider the highs and lows of those four years. As I received a bachelor’s degree I looked at my single life to that point. Shortly after that I got married and looked forward to a lifelong future. When I got a master’s degree I realized how much I had not yet mastered. But lately things have been a little more chaotic and more and more I have looked inward at things that have happened.
The past two years have seen the unwanted disintegration of that marriage that I had looked forward to being a lifelong love affair. The career I had chosen and worked so hard to earn the master’s degree to follow also went the way of the dodo. Financial crises and struggles with depression have also made me wonder who I really am. But this latest occurrence would make anyone look around and wonder: “Who am I?” My dad is dying of emphysema.
My dad, John Romig, is a man I love. He wanted so many things for me that he never had. We have had major differences and disagreements over the years and have had even greater joys and jocularities since then. I gave him grief over smoking for years and nearly blew his nose off when I put three cigarette loads in one of his Salem’s. He gave me grief over putting explosives in his smokes. When I say “grief” I mean a grounding for a month. When I told him that I was not going to be a doctor and not going to go in the army to pay for it he thought I was making biggest mistake of my life. We didn’t speak for months after that. With some work on both our parts we overcame that major meltdown and rebuilt a new relationship. What we have now I would not trade for anything. Our adult relationship is still a father-son relationship but it has also matured into a kind of friendship like no other. It is the relationship I wanted with him as a child and young adult but neither of us could find it. It is the kind of relationship I am trying to build with my sons. It took a tearing down of the old to build something new with my dad and me.
As I look inward, that is a great way to describe what my life is becoming. The old has been and is still being torn down to build something new. Change is part of life. I think mine has been stagnant for quite some time. It has taken nearly all the structures of my life to be torn down to the foundations for something new to be built. And I have even done some excavating on those foundations, too! It is my hope that the upcoming passing of my father will be the last of the major tearing down for now. But as I look at myself it is a major revelation that the tearing down and building up is an unending process. Every day in sometimes tiny and sometimes large ways something is torn down in our lives and every day something new is built. I never really looked at it that way. Change seems to be the only thing that doesn’t change. Every day we see something new rising like a Phoenix from the ashes of something old. To me this is something new to ponder. I hope that I’m not the only one who didn’t look at the world like this.

An Attitude Adjustment

There are those days when we just need to get an attitude adjustment. I remember one time I was in the mall for some unknown reason that may have part of a governmental brain washing technique. As I was walking I couldn’t help but overhear a conversation between these two kids who were walking along. I mean I really had to walk fast to keep up with them so I could accidentally overhear them. One turned to the other and said, “Dude! Tude!”
The rhyming was impressive. The meaning behind this poetry was truly challenging to discern. After a great deal of careful analysis and many nanoseconds of contemplation I came upon the meaning behind these words. The translation is: “My friend. Our comradry and  fun-filled times have been compromised by a certain way of behavior that will continue to drive a wedge between us until it leads to an end of our companionship unless serious changes are made in your attitude.” I think “Dude! Tude!” says it a lot better.
I think that someone needed to walk up to me and say: “Dude! Tude!” My attitude for the past year and a half has – and I use this word in its kindest meaning – sucked. There have been days when I have hated God, the world, my ex, Howard Stern and butterscotch pudding. I know what you’re thinking: How can he mention Stern and pudding in the same sentence? It takes talent and a twisted mind.
But there is something to be said for letting it go. Now I can stop being mad at God, the world and butterscotch pudding. The ex and Howard Stern may take some more time if it ever happens. But it was time to stop being such a major jerk and let go of my anger. That was one of my New Year’s resolutions. Stop being so angry all the time. The only person it was really hurting was me. When I woke up yesterday it seemed like something had changed. I know that there is still a lot of work to do on my damaged psyche; however, I do feel good about myself for a change.
My attitude is better for now. I hope it lasts.

Do You Have A Snew?

I really wanna know if you have a snew. So do you? I bet you do! What? You’re not sure? How can you not know if you have a snew? Some people just don’t know the important things. What’s that? Did you just say, “Snew? What snew?” Not much. What’s new with you? (Sound it out. It’ll make sense. It’s not really that funny but it will make sense.)
There are all kinds of new things coming up for this New Year. I plan on getting my career going full speed and making some money. There are new friends to meet and make. This year I am going to write my first book. I think it is time that this swimmer learned how to scuba. Brazilian Jujitsu looks interesting and deserves a look. Out at the community college they have a hot air balloon festival that is calling to me.
This year with my kids will be truly interesting. I have a senior who is heading off to college and the fun and learning and more fun that involves. Even though I will be living vicariously through him I hope he will be living the life he wants. Then there is my mini-me who is hitting puberty full blast. That will really be interesting. The girls are already calling!
January always seems so fresh and new to me. It is the combination of bare trees of the winter with the crisp, cool air and the next twelve months to paint a new portrait of activity with all the colors your imagination can muster. I don’t know about you but I’m looking forward to creating a better, more colorful painting this year than last. Isn’t that what each year gives us? It is a new chance to paint out lives and color outside the lines to make it interesting. I think it is when we go outside the lines to take risks and make mistakes that the portrait gets interesting.
We have the chance to learn from our past years’ mistakes to make this year better. My goal is to make 2011 a lot better than 2010. The way 2010 went it won’t take much. But I am looking forward to the great times ahead and the mistakes I’m going to make along the way. That is part of the fun. 2011 will be a year of major mistakes and monumental screw ups. You will have them too! Enjoy the mistakes and the blunders along with the successes and joys. What snew? Everything!

A look back at 2010

I have to go on record and say that 2010 was not my best year. If you ever need an example of understatement, that was it! But there were some very memorable moments of the past year.
I think that with pain come experience and experience leads to wisdom. Based on the pain that came in 2010 there is a lot of wisdom to be gained from this past year. Here are some of the lessons that I learned so you can benefit from the wisdom I gained without the pain.
  • I learned that when your son is learning calculus you should keep your mouth shut and don’t try to help.
  • I learned that teenage girls are not the only teenagers who have mood swings.
  • I learned that when you get an ex text you don’t have to jump to it and reply right away.  That’s part of the fun of having an ex.
  • I learned that depression is not as much fun as it sounds.
  • I learned that you can only go for a run to burn off anger for so many times before you hurt yourself.
  • I learned that even though a girl’s best friend is a diamond, I’ll stick with man’s best friend any day!
  • I learned that dog’s don’t like baths when there are squirrels in the yard.
  • I learned that cracking up is not all it’s cracked up to be.
  • I learned that I’m a cracker by watching Jeff Dunham.
  • I learned that yoga and yogurt are two different things.
  • I learned that Facebook games are a tremendous waste of time that I really like!
  • I learned that there are certain times when you just have to watch Rocky Horror Picture Show and just forget that life is out there.
  • I learned that chilidogs are some of the best comfort food ever!
  • I learned that the person who said it is better to have a loved and lost than to have never loved at all never really lost love.
  • I learned that you do not know who your friends are until you really need friends.
  • I learned that some people who say they are your friends are really just friendly.
  • I learned that sometimes you trust the wrong people and do not trust the right ones but the right ones will forgive you and the wrong ones will need your forgiveness.
  • I learned that rum and coke can be a great friend or the worse enemy.
  • I learned that having money may cause some problems but the problems of not having money are worse.
  • I learned that a bucket list is a great thing.
  • I learned that bungee jumping is a rush!
That is about it. Oh yeah. I forgot one thing. I learned that writing my thoughts makes me feel better.