It is embarrassing for me to admit to this because hopefully you have read enough of my blogs to come to the conclusion that I am eccentric and have lots of quirks and idiosyncrasies that make me someone who is interesting to hang out with but also someone you would never want to live with due to the insanity factor. My pet albino pigmy armadillo will testify to the dangers of that once we let him out of that cute little straight jacket. But one of my few normal features is – I cant believe I’m admitting this – that I like my morning cup of coffee. Please don’t judge me to harshly.

There is nothing like a hot cup of fully caffeinated java to get the day going. Add in a packet of Splenda and some vanilla creamer and then you’re really talking! Now just so that you don’t worry that I am becoming normal (perish the thought!) let me reassure you that I have found a way of enjoying something as mundane as coffee in a way that will alleviate your fears that I am becoming a regular person. You should see some of the mugs I use!

If you see me at the office, you will not be the least bit impressed with my mug. Trying to blend in with the wildlife around the copier (that is not a figure of speech – they are wild!) I have taken on a form of corporate camouflage and use a cup that could be found in any office. Little do they know about the radioactive ceramic ware that has tiny carbon based living microchips which were used in creation of my mug. It is slowly transforming me into Copier Man! Able to leap red tape in a single bound!

At home is where I keep my cool mugs. I have an awesome Doctor Who mug that has a Tardis that disappears when warm liquids are placed inside. Yes, it is as cool as a bow tie! I am working on my coffee slurping sound as I try to make the sound of the Tardis engines while enjoying my freshly ground coffee. You should have heard it the other day when I slurped too much and inhaled coffee. That gasping for breath sound was really close!

There is another cup I use that on first glance does not seem worthy of mention. It’s from South Dakota and has a picture of Mount Rushmore. It is really cool because of the texturing that gives you a sensation of the actual topography of the mountainous monument. You can run your fingers across Washington’s forehead or Jefferson’s jawline or Roosevelt’s glasses. You can’t pick Lincoln’s nose or anything like that. Not that I have tried! Really, I didn’t try to get a toothpick in there to check for boogers. That would be disgusting and impossible since the nostrils aren’t open. The real reason my Rushmore mug is truly Dougish is the other side of the mug. Few people ever see the back side of Mount Rushmore. The back side of my mug shows the backsides of the presidents. There are four full moons! I thought it was hilarious until I was drinking my coffee today and noticed my bottom lip felt something like a bottom. Every time I was taking a sip of my robust roast I was kissing the backside of the rambunctious Roosevelt. It was difficult to explain my first reaction but let’s just say I had to clean coffee off the wall from my spit take. My second response was to think it was appropriate considering that Teddy undoubtedly told many people of note to kiss his butt on many occasions. I just joined a distinguished list of people but I actually did it.

Doctor Who: Boxers or Briefs?

My heart is heavy as I dictate this to my blog. Her name was Sarah Jane Smith. She passed away after a short illness. It was my dubious honor to be in charge of her estate. In the attic was a trunk with reams of paper that had articles she had written about some traveling adventures she had with a man she only refers to as the Doctor. It seems to be some kind of fiction she was writing since we all know that we have limited space travel in the 21st Century and time travel is still considered improbable. It is strange that someone known for her investigative reporting and detail oriented facts could be so creative and come up with these stories.

She had several essays on things like Martians, some kind of man-robot cyborgs and another things she describes as five foot tall dustbins with rounded tops and death rays. I even found one about the Loch Ness Monster. My brother would love that one. But there is one that looks like it was just a series of notes that she hadn’t worked into a real story yet. I’m thinking she had a bit of a crush on this man she had created in her head because she was wondering if he wears boxer or briefs. Kind of odd to have a crush on a figment of your imagination but who I am to judge? I think Lara Croft is hot.

It turns out she created this character to look different instead of dying. She called it reconstruction or something like that. It also seems like each time he changed, his personality totally changed as well. That is rather clever. It appears as though she has created eleven different personalities of this Doctor. Each one had a very distinctive style and personae.

The first one appears to be oldest. He is cranky and curmudgeonly and is the traditional boxers kind of guy. The second one is a bit of clown who looks like a tramp in a fur coat. She says this one wears briefs but they ride up a bit making him run funny. The third incarnation of this Doctor is a dandy. Sarah has a little bit of a kinky side because she says he wears a frilly ruff that is actually the top of his full body bloomers. Okay, that one is a little bit of an overshare. Now the next one is the fourth personality of this Doctor who she describes as wearing a long multicolored scarf and has a rather manic look in his eyes that is attributed to the fact that he goes commando instead of wearing any underwear at all. Okay, I take it back. THAT was the overshare – not the bloomers.

It seems that Sarah wanted the next one to be even younger because this one wore a stalk of celery on his lapel and bikini briefs under his trousers except when he played cricket and then he wore a jockstrap. Now this sixth version of the Doctor seems angrier than the last few. Miss Smith attributes that to being frustrated with a curly perm, a headache from too many colors in his coat, and trying to wear the same bikini briefs he had on before but they were way too tight and cut off circulation to important appendages. The seventh Doctor was the big surprise. It seems he was a middle aged version of the doctor with an question mark kind of umbrella and had a quirky, secretive smile that was due in part to the thong underwear he always wore. You know there are some things you really do not want to know. Now the eighth Doctor identity had an American kind of influence and wore red full body underwear but always kept the flap open for some reason. Sarah didn’t say way but she put a smiley face in the margins for some unknown reason.

Now Miss Smith had a note about this ninth version of her Doctor character wearing mesh see through boxers. Her comment in the margins was: “That would be a sight to see.” She did remember that this a character she made up, right? Then again, Lady Croft in those shorts. Yowzah! Anyway, the tenth guy is the first one to wear boxer briefs due to his tenacity to run around and needing the extra support. Finally, the last one wears a kind of stretchy trunk that has the Union Jack on the bum and the word “River” on the front. What kind of river runs through there? Maybe it’s from some song I don’t know.

I wonder who else she wrote about. Give me time and I’ll share what else I discover in the trunk. It almost seems like it’s bigger on the inside because no matter how many stories I pull out of here there seems like there is even more. Be right back. Some joker but a blue box on my patio. Those darned kids are at it again.