Airport Apparel – Part Two


Last time we chatted I brought up the subject of the clothing people wear as they walk, jog, run or make a manic march through an airport. If you haven’t read Part One yet, you may want to start there. It won’t help you make sense of this one but at least you will be reading them in the correct order.

Last time I told you about looking at people in airports. Most fit into the first category of “Those Whom I Didn’t Even Notice.” Since I didn’t notice them, I can’t really think of anything to write. So let’s keep ignoring them and move on to the next group called the “Over Dressed.” I have flown many times in my life and have even flown from the United States to Europe and back. Even though I am not an everyday or everyweek flier, I do have some experience. That experience has taught me a few critical criteria for fun filled flying. The most important is that airplanes, for all their wonders, are not all that comfortable for those of us who fly back in 7th class. This is just a little bit better than the luggage. Since most of us do not get to fly in first or even business class there is a requirement that we dress accordingly. (Or is that accordianly since you get folded up as you try to squeeze a 73” body into a seat designed to comfortably fit preschoolers). The rule for most of us is to dress for distress. Simple and comfortable is the rule.
You can probably imagine my surprise when I saw a couple who were dressed as if they were going to the Opera. The woman was wearing an evening gown that had all kinds of sparkly things. This attractive, middle aged woman was casually strolling down the center of the concourse as if she were on a runway in Paris instead of near a runway in Charlotte. The man walking nearby was well dressed, too (although he didn’t have sparkly things) with a look on his face that was somewhere between the pain associated with a root canal and the discomfort of extreme constipation. It is the same look I would have on my face if I was forced to go the opera. I can only assume this overdressed couple was planning to watch a live version “The Barber of Seville” as they sipped Napoleon brandy in the Deluxe, Royal Treatment, You-May-Not-Even-Look-Past-the-Curtain, First Class cabin.
There was another woman who seemed to be either lost, nervous or putting on a show. She passed by my table five times as if she wanted all of us in the lounge to notice that she had on Versace, Armani and Gucci and a few other expensive-looking, Italian-sounding names. I guess it worked because I noticed. She was almost as good looking as her designer clothing. Sadly, I think she took the Tammy Faye Baker Home Cosmetics Course when it came to makeup choices and amounts. I really expected small children to run in fear from the makeup monster as she meandered. There was the one young teen who – I could see it in his eyes – was considering the consequences of carving his initials in the base on her face. Overdressed and over makeuped.
I saw countless suits and business attire that I personally would not wear on a plane; but I suppose those business people needed to make a good impression. Even though they were not technically “Over Dressed” they did have my sympathy until I remembered how much more leg room they get in Business Class. And don’t even get me started on how much more butt room they get! They get the better food too! It serves them right having to wear those suits on those long flights. On second thought, they are “over dressed”.

Next time we will look at the “Under Dressed”.

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