April Fools!


Your shoe is untied. April Fools! You missed a button. April Fools and I flicked your nose when you looked. Your house is on fire! April Fools! No, it really is on fire! Oops. Those of you who have read my blog understand my unusual (to put it kindly) sense of humor. I bet you are all on pins and needles waiting to hear about the pranks someone as creative and twisted as I have come up with for this day. First, why are you sitting on pins and needles? That sounds really silly and painful. Second, you are going to love my prank. It is spectacular in its simplicity.

I have friends who plot and plan, scam and scheme, dig and delve deeply to come up with the right things to say or do to irritate and/or amaze their friends and enemies. They try to concoct the ultimate joke or jest to fool the masses and achieve fame and infamy for this glorious day of tomfoolery. For me that’s a normal day between 9:00am and 9:15am. No big deal.
So do you want to know what I am doing for April Fool’s Day? It is big! I’m talking really, spectacularly monstrous. This April first I am doing something that no one would expect from me. The tension has been building among my friends and family as they all walk around with looks similar to Chief Brody when the shark music would play in Jaws. Da dum, da dum, da dum. This April Fools’ Day I am… being serious. I know. Scary, right?
I called a friend this morning and said for April Fools’ Day I am taking a break from the jokes and pranks. “Today, I am going to be serious.” There was silence on the other end of the line. “Did you hear me? I’m going to be serious today.” The silence was spooky. I was worried that news had caused him to panic, thinking he had crossed over into a parallel universe where everything was reversed in the natural order. Maybe I had caused him to have a heart attack at that shocking news! That would totally suck because no one would believe it on April Fools’ Day. “Are you there?”
“Hold on. I had to check my caller I.D. to make sure I was talking to Doug Romig and not some other Doug. Then I had to look behind me to make sure there wasn’t a snake or something sneaking up on me.” My friends are so weird.
“I mean it. I’m going to be serious on April Fools’ Day. It is time everyone else to act like me and I’ll be normal today.” I felt that I had made a good case and explained my point-of-view clearly and eloquently.
“Uh huh. Right. Nice try, Doug. I’m not letting my guard down. Do you think I was born yesterday?” He was starting to sound a little insane. I considered calling a doctor but remembered what day it was.
“No. I was born yesterday.” It was my birthday. “I mean it. No pranks or jokes at your expense from me today. I’m being good.” After I said it, I realized how crazy that sounded.
Do you remember the Vincent Price laugh at the end of Michael Jackson’s Thriller? That was the sound that came from my friend. “Not falling for it. You won’t catch me that easily!” The laughter continued as he clicked off.
I guess that is my best prank of all. No prank. Be serious. Let my friends go slowly insane waiting for the inevitable that will never come. And the cool part, they know me and will be expecting it for weeks to come.
Am I evil? Muhahahahahahaha!

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