Do you ever….

  • Do you ever skip the gym and just walk up the down escalator at the mall so you can meet new people?
  • Do you ever go through the drive-thru at McDonalds in reverse just so your passenger has to pay?
  • Do you ever walk around Walmart with an open umbrella, cowboy boots, and a speedo while asking where the beef jerky section is?
  • Do you ever go to the grocery store and complain to the manager that their underwear selection is limited and you plan on taking your business elsewhere?
  • Do you ever just go and sit in a port-a-john, waiting for someone to open the door so you can ask if they have any Grey Poupon?
  • Do you ever answer your phone: “Thank you for calling the pedophile self-registration hotline. Please stand by while your phone number is added to the sex offender database in your area.”? (My bother hates it when I answer like that.)
  • Do you ever go to electronics stores to stare at the televisions that are turned off and then complain to the helpful salesperson that there’s nothing good on T.V.?
  • Do you ever pay your rent/mortgage in pennies?
  • Do you ever introduce your guest at a party as a “former world record holding adult film star”?
  •  Do you ever ask your neighbors if they heard the police breaking down your other neighbor’s door last night at 3:00am? Then it’s fun to go to the other neighbor and ask them the same thing about the first one.
  • Do you ever feel the uncontrollable urge to wear a tuxedo to the aquarium and waddle around claiming to be “god of the penguins”?

Or am I the only one who does that?

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