Let me start my blog by saying, I’m a nice guy. It’s important for me to be polite and courteous to other people even if they don’t deserve it. It is about who I am and who I want to be. It has nothing to do with how people treat me. Being a character is how you act when other people can see. Having character is how you act when no one can see what you’re doing. Being a character with character is truly a challenge. I was up to the challenge today.
While waiting in line at my satellite office (everyone else calls it Starbucks), I encountered something that is all too common. The woman in line ahead of me – let call her Rude Starbucks Lady – was being extremely abusive to the barista at the register. The poor employee tried to explain why the special coffee the woman had been ordering for the past two months was no longer available due a change to the holiday menu. (Since it was Starbucks she couldn’t call it a Christmas menu.) The woman then proceeded to go on a loud rant about wanting what she wants and demanded to see a manager. The manager explained about the change in a calm and cool manner while the woman used language I usually only hear in British heist movies.
If you are reading this blog, Rude Starbucks Lady, let me assure you that a non-fat, salted-caramel, decaf, mocha latte with no whip and an extra shot of bitchy is not worth getting upset about. Also, what you suggested to the manager would be physically impossible, or at least very painful until the coffee cools to less lava-like temperatures. Even then, I don’t think the coffee has the proper equipment for sexual intercourse. To be fair, I have had a few cups of coffee that were nearly orgasmic, but that is a story for another blog.
Rude Starbucks Lady, it’s a freaking cup of coffee! It’s not the end of the world. Some parts of the world – mostly where they grow the damn beans for your douche-y coffee – do not even have enough food to get by. Be grateful someone else works and makes money so you can go to Starbucks and complain about your stupid-ass, first-world problems.
Eventually, Rude Starbucks Lady, did an over-dramatic sigh of exasperation and ordered a holiday mocha of some kind. She went to a nearby table to text or tweet her discontent about the ever-changing menu at Starbucks. I bet she was writing a rude Yelp review and complaining to the other maltreated soccer moms out there.
I didn’t say anything to Rude Starbucks Lady even though I wanted to. However… (wait for it), I did say something to the barista in a voice loud enough for Rude Starbucks Lady to hear every word.
Me: Good morning.
Barista: Good morning, sir. What can I get for you today?
Me: I’d like a simple, medium, Pike Place roast cup of coffee.
Barista: Yes, sir. Anything else?
Me: Yes. (I turned to the two people behind me in line.) I’d like to buy a cup of coffee for each of these people if they can be polite to you as they order.
Barista: Okaaay… (Her fake barista smile became genuine as a joyful look of triumph appeared in her eyes. I could swear she shot a glance at Rude Starbucks Lady.)
The next two people in line each ordered their coffee and were sweeter than the decaf mocha latte and caramel macchiato they each ordered. The lady thanked me for the coffee and the gentleman shook my hand and said, “That was awesome!”
Two extra cups of Starbucks: $11.
The look on the barista’s face: Priceless!
The glare from Rude Starbucks Lady: I imagine it was even more priceless.
I didn’t even look at Rude Starbucks Lady as her glare tried to cause the back of my head to burst into flames while casting a spell to turn my coffee into a poisonous brew. I’m pretty sure it backfired into her coffee. It didn’t have any affect. She was already filled with a poison of her own creation.
That was the best tasting cup of coffee I have ever had from Starbucks. Thank you, Rude Starbucks Lady. You showed several people how not to act.