I was sitting on the balcony this morning while on vacation in Myrtle Beach, SC, looking through some of my old thoughts. I came across this essay I wrote two years ago. I hardly recognize the words because so much has changes since 2015. I thought I’d share where my mind was in the time before I met the love of my life.
Do you ever have those moods where you are just no fun to be around? That is the kind of mood I am in as I write this. I’m a writer. We tend to take these dark moods and turn them into something really creative. Right now, this is a close to creative as I can get. Don’t worry, I’m not going to go nuts and try to topple the secret world government using five paperclips, a box of Earl Grey tea, two sperm whales, a roll of duct tape and a Siamese cat that thinks it is the reincarnation of Hitler and Miss Schropenburger – my ninth grade geometry teacher. (Trust me. She could have given Adolph some competition. I think she dated him at one point.) That plan won’t work. It requires six paperclips.
Speaking of world domination, a friend once sent my son a book called How to Rule the World: A Handbook for the Aspiring Dictator by Andre de Guillaume. As soon as that book entered my home, it disappeared. I suspect my friend of writing on the inside cover: “Do not let this book fall into the wrong hands. By wrong hands, I mean your dad.” I am hurt. Not that he would think I would be bent on world domination – that’s quite plausible. The thing that offended me was he thought I needed a book. I just need one more paperclip!
So in this foul mood (I felt like a penguin for some reason) I put my playlist on random and eventually came across a song that moved me. It was “The Dance” by Garth Brooks. I started listening to the words:
And I’m glad, glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go.
My life is better left to chance.
I could have missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss the dance.
My life has been a strange dance. Some days I feel like I am doing the samba across the floor with everyone watching and laughing with me. Other days it is a tango with all the passion and sexual tension that comes with it. Other days it’s a cha-cha. I’m not sure what cha-cha days are like. I just like writing cha-cha.
Then there are the days I dance by myself in rain. Today is sunny, but I want it to rain. There is nothing like going out in a summer shower and letting it wash all your bad mood away. It’s beyond compare. Standing there. Walking. Dancing. The rain coming down carries all the negative thoughts down to the ground and you wave goodbye as they float away. Or maybe I’m just not smart enough to come in out of the rain. Either way, it sounds like something I need.
The next song was “The Thunder Rolls” also by Garth. Maybe I’ll just take a shower instead.