An I.Q. of Soup

If you have never taken the opportunity to watch people at WalMart then you are missing out! We looked at WalMartians a while back and had a laugh at those people. Today I had a new experience in my neighborhood Wallyworld that inspired me to write. There are a very few rare occasions when you meet someone who has the uncommon combination of humor, charm and intellect. Those moments are best spent engaging in conversation around the true and trending topics of today. It is through these moments that we find new ways to better ourselves and our outlooks on virtually everything. Don’t you love it when those things happen? I was in WalMart. That didn’t happen.

I had the opposite experience. This very nice woman walked up to me and, dressed as I was in a suit and tie, she asked me if I worked there. Did you catch that? I was in WALMART wearing a SUIT and TIE! How many times have you been in the garden section of WalMart and the courtesy clerk saunters over to you in a Brooks Brothers, double breasted, grey pin-striped suit to help you load your forty pound bag of lamb and goat manure into your Prius? It was then that I realized that this was not an employee of the Oak Ridge National Labs Nuclear Science World Domination division. (Yes I made that up… or did I?) An evil person would take advantage of this poor woman who had the I.Q. of soup. We are not talking Campbell’s Chunky Sirloin Burger here. Think off brand cream of celery. I looked her right in the eyes and said, “Yes ma’am. How can I help you?” What can I say? I was bored.

She was looking at the Fruit Loops with a perplexed look on her face. She had gotten distracted and then lost. Don’t ask me. I have no idea how she ended up at General Mills when she was looking for Glidden. After guiding her from the cereal section to the paint section where she really wanted to be, we began to discuss the correct colors for the room of a child with A.D.H.D. She had read an article that discussed the concept of creating more stimulation at home to help the child “burn off” some of his energy so they could study better at school. My thought was that medications like Ritalin, Focalin, or Metadate, combined with a generous usage of a Taser would be the better choice. However, I did not want to discourage this lovely lady from her constant conversation with me even though I hardly said a word. There are times when you just have to listen to the other person because you care, are interested, and are speechless at the words being spewed forth on a topic that is so asinine that you cannot believe those particular words are being used in that particular combination. After we found the high gloss paint that needed to be dyed a shade called Brilliant Rose (imagine bright pink on acid) I helped her load her cart and escorted her to the checkout. I bid her farewell and thanked her for shopping at WalMart.

What can I say? Some days I just need to be helpful! And entertained. Yeah. I needed to be entertained.