Halloween Afterglow

I wanted to write about something that is very important, but sadly misrepresented in our society today due a conspiracy that I suspect to be related to an unnamed terrorist organization (I could tell you their name, but I don’t want to be targeted with egg-sized nukes because I made them mad), which is in league with cocoa growers in Sri Lanka and Hackensack, NJ, who are plotting the overthrow of the known world by using excessive leftover Halloween candy to tempt adults; however, adults do not have the same constitution as children, – who are quite adept at consuming, digesting, and using the energy from candy to play games and drive parents insane by running around the house while wearing the broken underwear they got from Mom’s panty drawer that only have one string left in the bottom part, and playing with the little whip-thing they found in Daddy’s nightstand, leaving the parents to be mortified and question the wisdom of inviting the pastor over for Sunday dinner right after Trick-or-Treating; therefore, it is with great sadness that I report to you that I had almost no one stop at my door for tricks or treats this year, which had nothing to do with the unsubstantiated – but substantially accurate – rumors that I am the eccentric (they say “strange” or “weird”, but I want to help them sound more intelligent with better a vocabulary) writer who has been seen walking up and down the street at 2:00 AM, talking to – and debating with – characters that no one else can see; thereby creating the suspicion that I am mentally unstable and should not be trusted around food, children or my characters, whom they are trying to convince me aren’t really talking to me, even though several of my fictional characters are standing right behind them making faces at me while they talk, so that is how I ended up eating two big bags of fun-sized Twix candy bars creating a massive sugar high which made me write something that is one long sentence.

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