No Refunds or Exchanges

A few days ago I posted a blog about stupid warnings. After reading that, a friend of mine stopped by to show me an interesting list. She had been shopping and received a long list entitled: We Do Not Offer Refunds or Exchanges For. You may be thinking, “What an insensitive business! We all have the right to return our purchases, regardless of the reason. Walmart taught me that!” Before you get upset and start picketing this fine establishment, please read on. Did I mention she was shopping at the animal shelter? Yes, they needed to make a list of reasons that is inappropriate to bring your pet back. Sad, isn’t it?

I have listed a few of my favorite reasons you are not allowed to bring your pet back to the animal shelter. These are real reasons on a real piece of paper from the Young-Williams Animal Center in Knoxville, Tennessee. I am not making these up, but I really did LOL while reading some of them. 

  • Dogs that bark.  Yes, they really had to make this a policy. Makes you wonder how many people brought back the dog saying, “Yep, this here mutt barks. Didn’t know a dog would do that.”
  • Cats that scratch. I am not a cat person due to allergies, but even I know that cats will scratch. They don’t like to be baptized either. I still have the scars from when I was 5 and tried that. The dog didn’t mind as much.
  • Children taunt or tease the animal.  How is this the animal’s fault? What you need to do is take the shock collar off the dog and put it on the brat who is pestering the pooch. Then make them run back and forth over the shock line in the lawn. Once they wake up, the shock treatment should have cured them of their antisocial ways.
  • You receive/buy/adopt/breed another animal and you return this one. Even my twisted

    mind is going, “WHAT THE (fill in the blank with your favorite word here)”. Do people really get a cat and decided they want to trade up, so they take the old one back? I write about serial killers and even I wouldn’t think of doing that with my worst villain. 

  • Divorce.  Yes, there is sometimes a custody battle over the pets. When my parents got divorced, there was more debate over who got the dog than the kids. In my divorce, I got the dog and the kids half the time. Sounds like there are times when no one wants the cat. I can hear it now, “Your honor, I will take Captain Fuffywillycomes if that cheating (again, please fill in the blank) will pay me $1,200 a month pet support for the Yorkie. Kind of makes you wonder who gets the pet python.
  • Animal ran away and you can’t find it. Wouldn’t it be really embarrassing if you went back to the animal shelter to get your refund, and the dog was already at the door, trying to claw its way back in? I don’t know about you, but it would be really damaging to my self esteem.
There are other reasons the animal shelter won’t take animals back like too big, too small, too old, too young, and too Pekingese. Okay, I made that last one up, but they should really consider adding that. I once heard about a boy who wanted to teach the family Pekingese how to catch a Frisbee. Apparently, you can knock out a dog and squash the nose of a Pekingese even farther with that little flying disc. The trick is waking the dog up before your parents get home. Not that I have ever done that no matter what my sister says.