Have you ever met that person who is so cheerful all the time you want to strangle them with their own smiling lips? How can someone be so happy all the time and so positive? I’d like to say that’s me, but I have my off days. For example, just this morning, while driving to work I didn’t want to let that H1 Hummer cut into my lane. Normally, I’m a happy and courteous driver, but not today! Nope! Not gonna happen there, Bubba!!
It may have been the bumper sticker on his fuel feaster that said, “I brake for no one!” Perhaps it was the stickers on the window advertising every single neo-yuppy trend that made me think they had the depth of a puddle. It could have been the conspiracy theory podcast on my sound system filling me with dread about the coming apocalypse brought on by the evil cabal of oil oligarchies, tire tycoons, maniacal mechanics and a 92-year-old lady in Amana, Iowa, named Gertrude Smythe who really controls OPEC. Whatever the reason, I cut him off so fast he nearly didn’t come into my lane anyway. I drive a Nissan Rogue. He was in a Hummer. I lost the battle but drove under his SUV and got away.
I think the issue behind my crankiness this morning had to be related to the heat wave. My family in Texas thinks I’m a wimp (not the word they used but I try to stay PG rated) for complaining about the heat. It was in the 90s last week. I’m talking about Fahrenheit temperature and humidity. Sure, they get over 100 F starting in March, but they can’t handle any water vapor. To be fair, this time of year they usually don’t have any water anywhere. That’s a whole other problem we don’t have here.
Driving home yesterday I saw something I haven’t seen since leaving Texas. It was an armadillo on the road! Just kidding. But that would have been amazing. I saw heat waves coming off the road. It may have been steam from the rain shower. (Texans, that’s what it is called when water falls out of the sky.) Either way, it created a misty road and made me happy to be driving along that highway. It was like I was in a really cool car commercial with my vehicle’s velocity slicing through the fog giving me the same emotion I felt the first time I saw a ’68 Mustang Fastback.
Except I wasn’t in a cool car. Did I mention the Rogue? It’s not even a cool looking Rogue. It does have a stealth feature – it’s silver like 96.8% of the Rogue that have ever been made. You may see me coming, but is that really me?
My car is cool enough for me. It makes me happy. And I’m in a haze. Life is good. Now if I can just find that Hummer and get my antenna out of his drive shaft.