Shouldn’t We Call It A Him-icane?

Today I’m on vacation in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. We had considered going to Florida for our kids’ fall break from school, but Myrtle Beach in October is usually nice and peaceful while still having all-you-can-eat seafood restaurants every seventy-five feet. We made a good choice. Hurricane Michael is coming ashore near Panama City, Florida as I write this. Don’t worry. We are safe here… I think. The remnants of Michael should be here tomorrow with tropical storm winds and rain. I’ll let you know how that goes later.

When I was a kid back in the stone age, all hurricanes were named after women. I suspect the meteorologists named them after girls who spurned their advances in high school. Since they were science nerds, there had to be an unlimited supply of names to use. I really don’t want to meet the woman Hurricane Florence was named after. Someone could have had issues with The Brady Bunch since no one has ever had a step-mother as nice as Florence Henderson.

As I kid, I thought it was Her-icane since they were all women. It made sense to me. In the past couple of decades, men’s names have been used. I suspect it was due to a desire for equal treatment of devastating natural disasters. That, plus the increase in the number of women meteorologists who have vendettas against men who didn’t call them after one-night-stands.

I think we should call the female hurricanes, her-icanes and the male hurricanes him-icanes. It’s only fair. I’m going to call the powers-that-be at the National Hurricane Center to explain the wisdom of this new naming system.

Follow up: I spoke to a rather sour and dour woman at the National Hurricane Center. She did not find my suggestion wise or even funny. Dr. Gertrude Himmelflarp was quite put-out that I would make such an inane and insane suggestion. I said, “Gerty, you need to relax and have a mojito before dismissing me outright.” I chose not to tell you what she suggested but I’m fairly certain she has no idea what a mojito is because of where she suggested I put one. It wouldn’t taste near as good after that.

On an unrelated topic, I have it from an inside source at the National Hurricane Center that Hurricane Doug will be named next year. Whoohoo!